The Call to Detachment
As we move forward in life, it is vital to avoid getting overly attached to people, problems, or specific thoughts and patterns. Buddha says, “The root of suffering is attachments." When we become too attached, it can lead to compulsions that make us feel helpless, unable to separate ourselves from them. We might feel the need to control everything and act impulsively and compulsively, instead of making our own choices and acting authentically. It might also lead to emotional dependency on others, causing us to worry about judgment and feel like we have to take care of others, even if it's at the expense of our well-being. Attachment can cause us to lose sight of our personal goals and lives, leaving us with little energy to focus on what truly matters, as we get caught up in the worries and fears of the world.
Attachment is a concept in Buddhism called upādāna, which refers to the human tendency to cling to people, things, or ideas, believing that they will bring lasting happiness and fulfillment. This attachment stems from our desire for security, comfort, and control in our lives. When we become attached, we try to control the outcome of something and hold onto it, failing to realize that this behavior distracts us from the present reality. We get lost in the world of thoughts outside of the current timeline. Fear of loss, pain, happiness, or failure. Fear is the culprit. It's easier to be seduced by temporary pleasure and the idealism of control. But as we all know, it also leaves one with an enormous amount of anxiety.
So what is detachment? First, let's clarify what detachment isn’t. Detachment does not mean that we are disconnecting from our emotions or relationships. Instead, it implies letting go of the desire to control the outcome and living in the present moment without overthinking. Detachment is not synonymous with cold and hostile withdrawal, nor is it a resigned and despairing acceptance of whatever life throws our way. It's not a robotic walk-through life, where we remain oblivious and unaffected by people and problems. Detachment is not a removal of our love and concern. Instead, it involves releasing a person or problem in love. We disengage ourselves from unhealthy entanglements with another person's life and responsibilities, as well as from problems that we cannot solve. We allow other people their responsibilities and tend to our own instead. By doing so, we give them the freedom to be responsible and grow and do the same for ourselves. Ultimately, detachment allows us to release burdens, raise our vibrations, and step into our happiness and freedom.
Detachment is about being fully present in the moment and accepting life as it unfolds. It means letting go of the need to control everything and allowing things to happen naturally. This involves releasing any regrets from the past and fears about the future, and instead focusing on making the most of each day. Detachment requires us to accept the reality of the situation and have faith in ourselves, the universe, God, other people, and the natural order of things.
“Detachment involves “present moment living”—living in the here and now. We allow life to happen instead of fording and trying to control it” (Beattie, 2022)
It's important to note that detachment doesn't mean we don't care, but instead, we learn to care from our center, which is our most authentic state. Ultimately, detachment is about letting go of control and trusting in the journey. Trusting in yourself and being present within your body.
Much like meditation, the call to detachment is a lifelong practice. It requires awareness of when you are attached and distracted in thought; and the courage to surrender control and return to the present moment. Remember.. there is a reason we “LEFT” the present moment in the first place. Be ready to accept whatever you find there, with love, compassion, and faith.
-with love and peace
Stephanie M. Perez, LPC
Beattie, M., Codependent No More, 2022.
Letting Go: Understanding Attachment in Buddhism | Zen-Buddhism.net
